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Redemption album artwork by Esme Rose

Esme Rose · The lyric archive

Redemption

Angry, stubborn, slightly feral, but somehow still standing.

5 tracks · Lyrics & song meanings

Explore the songs Listen to the music Physical CD

In Esme’s words

Behind the album

I don't think Redemption was really supposed to exist when it did. There was already another version of what came next in my head, but then everything around the music got louder.

The reports. The takedowns. People pulling things apart. People deciding who I was, what was real, what belonged to me, what I was allowed to say. And I had a lot of emotion with nowhere useful to put it. So I put it here.

I think that's why this album feels a little rougher around the edges. It wasn't written from the other side of something. I was still standing right in the fucking middle of it.

Some of these songs are angry. Some are stubborn. Some are me trying to work out which parts of myself were damaged and which parts had just finally stopped behaving.

And underneath all of it is survival. Not the pretty version where you rise from the ashes clean and enlightened. The version where you're covered in soot, still pissed off, slightly feral, but somehow still standing.

If Seven Deadly Spells was me looking into the shadow, and X3 was me learning what was actually mine to carry, Redemption was what happened when I couldn't carry it quietly anymore.

I didn't understand all of it yet. I just knew I needed somewhere to put it. So I made an album.

Track 01

Rise Like Smoke

Behind the song · In Esme’s words

I think people imagine surviving something means eventually becoming untouched by it. Like you go through the fire, learn the lesson, come out polished and announce that everything happened for a reason.

Fuck that. Rise Like Smoke is much more stubborn than that.

There's dirt in her. There are scars. People have tried to silence her, bury her, call her things, take things from her. She's not pretending none of it happened. She just keeps coming back.

That's why I liked smoke as the image. You can hit it. Grab at it. Try to contain it. Good luck. It moves around you and carries on anyway.

There are definitely more graceful forms of healing. Apparently this wasn't one of mine.

Lyrics

Oh Can't keep me Oh Can't keep me

I got dirt in my soul, rain in my chest Walk through fire, never took no rest You can curse my name, you can steal my crown But every time I fall, I come back around

Tried to bury me deep (Oh) But the roots run wide (Oh) Thought I'd bend, thought I'd break (Oh) But I got that fight inside

You can't keep me down, oh no Can't steal my sound, oh no I rise like smoke, I shake the ground You can't keep me, can't keep me down

They call me witch, they call me wild Said I was nothing but the devil's child But I howl at the moon and I dance through the pain With a stomp, with a clap, like a runaway train

Tried to silence my song (Oh) But I sing too loud (Oh) Tried to lock me away (Oh) But I burn right through that shroud

You can't keep me down, oh no Can't steal my sound, oh no I rise like smoke, I shake the ground You can't keep me, can't keep me down

Stomp, clap, rise again Ash to fire, skin to skin Swamp don't sleep and blood don't lie A girl like me was born to rise

You can't keep me down, oh no You can't steal my sound, oh no I rise like smoke, I shake the ground You can't keep me, can't keep me down

Can't keep me down (Oh no, oh no, oh no)

Track 02

Burn It Down

Behind the song · In Esme’s words

Despite the amount of Bibles, preachers, hymns and heaven in this one, I don't really hear Burn It Down as an anti-religion song.

It's an anti-hypocrisy song. It's about people who talk clean with dirty hands. People who hide cruelty behind morality, judgement behind concern, hate behind something they can call righteous.

And eventually somebody you've been telling to kneel their whole life stops kneeling. That's where the fire comes from.

Not I'm going to destroy everything. More: If the thing you're asking me to respect was built to make people like me feel ashamed of existing, why am I still protecting it?

You can pray for me if you like. See what the fuck it does.

Lyrics

Got a bible on the table, but it's stained in sin Preacher talk clean but his hands ain't clean I was born in the fire where the bad girls grin Say the truth out loud, now they hate me again

They say "repent, repent, get on your knees" But I don't beg, I don't break, I don't fucking plead Drag me down to the river, watch me breathe I come back up like a ghost they can't leave

I been fighting the gospel devil all my life Blood in my teeth and dirt in my eyes They tried to wash me clean but I won't come right I'm the sin you fear in the dead of night

All my life (hey!) I don't bow down All my life (hey!) I don't back down Chain on my soul but I shake it out Fuck your heaven, I'll burn it down

Got a noose in the wind and a crowd that stares Same damn hands used to pull my hair Now they praying real hard like they fucking care But they fed off the smoke when I gasped for air

You can sing your hymns, you can fake your grace I see that fear in your holy face Built that church just to hide your hate I'm the truth that you can't erase

I been fighting the gospel devil all my life Blood in my teeth and dirt in my eyes They tried to wash me clean but I won't come right I'm the sin you fear in the dead of night

All my life (hey!) I don't bow down All my life (hey!) I don't back down Chain on my soul but I shake it out Fuck your heaven, I'll burn it down

You ever notice... the louder they pray... The more they got to hide? I seen angels with knives Seen saints start fights

Seen holy men lie every night Don't preach to me about wrong or right I been judged since birth now I bite back twice

I been fighting the gospel devil all my life Blood in my teeth and dirt in my eyes You can't wash me clean, you can't make me right I'm the fire you buried still burning inside

All my life (hey!) hear that sound All my life (hey!) shake the ground Chain on my soul but I break it out Fuck your heaven, I'll burn it down

Yeah... Pray for me... See what the fuck it does

Track 03

She's a Little Fucked Up

Behind the song · In Esme’s words

I love this one because it isn't trying to fix her. She's got scars. Weird coping mechanisms. Bad memories. A mouth on her. Probably a few decisions we'd rather not inspect too closely. Cool.

She's also alive.

I think we spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to polish ourselves into people who look like they've never been through anything.

Healing starts getting treated like another beauty standard. Be calm. Be healed. Be emotionally intelligent. Have boundaries. Drink water. Never lose your shit again.

Sometimes you're doing the work and you're still a little fucked up. Those things can exist at the same time.

That's the magic in this song. Not being broken. Not pretending you're perfectly repaired either. Just being completely fucking alive.

Lyrics

(Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm) (Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm) I got ink in my bloodstream Dirt on my halo

How long I gotta bleed Before I learn how to pray though? Got ghosts in my pocket And scars in my smile

I don't do perfect I do f*cking alive Yeah, she's a little f*cked up But that's the magic

Fire in her ribs Heart made of static Yeah, she's a little f*cked up And that's divine

She's not polished She's alive I don't do filters I do truth

I don't beg for booms I kick the roofs Got lipstick prayers And whiskey tears

I made peace with pain The last couple years Yeah, she's a little f*cked up But that's the magic

Fire in her ribs Heart made of static Yeah, she's a little f*cked up And that's divine

She's not polished She's alive (Whoa-oh-oh-oh) (Whoa-oh-oh-oh)

She's blood and bone and broken spells She crawled from hell with stories to tell She's real sin in a fake world No clean edges, just a sharp-tongued girl

Yeah, she's a little f*cked up But that's the magic Fire in her ribs Heart made of static

Yeah, she's a little f*cked up And that's divine She's not polished She's f*cking alive

Track 04

Blood Deep Roots

Behind the song · In Esme’s words

This one feels older than me. Not literally. More like that feeling when something in you doesn't seem to have started with you.

Family patterns. Instinct. Stories nobody talks about. Things women before you swallowed because that was easier than being called difficult.

There are things we're taught to bury so well that eventually we forget they're buried. But buried isn't gone. Roots grow underground.

That's really where Blood Deep Roots lives for me. It's about looking at what got handed down, both the pain and the power, and deciding what happens to it next.

You can cut the visible part down. You can dress it up. You can put Sunday clothes on it and tell everybody everything is fine.

The roots still know what they are. And eventually something comes back through.

Lyrics

Mama said don't talk about the things you know Keep it quiet, keep your power low But I got something crawling up my spine tonight And I don't feel like being polite

They tried to drown it in a Sunday prayer Tried to dress it up like it wasn't there But you can feel it when I open my mouth Something old... pulling it out

Blood deep roots They don't move Cut me down I come through

What you buried I became Bayou blood Say my name

say. my name, say my name Grandmama's voice don't sound like peace Sounds like “why’d you wait this year?” Barefoot dirt and a cut lip grin

I don't ask - I let it in They call it dark when they can't control Call it wrong when it takes a toll I've seen softer things do worse

At least mine don't hide in church Blood deep roots They don't move Cut me down

I come through What you buried I became Bayou blood

Say my name say my name, say my name Blood deep Don't sleep

Blood deep Don't sleep Blood deep Don't sleep

Blood deep Don't sleep deep roots They don't move

Cut me down I come through What you buried I became

Bayou blood Say my name say. my name, say my name

Track 05 · Bonus track

BURN

Behind the song · In Esme’s words

This one has less therapy in it. I'll admit that.

BURN came from that particular kind of internet madness where people can spend hours attacking somebody and then post something about kindness, healing and protecting their peace.

That's always fascinated me. Apparently love and light has office hours.

The song is basically me looking at all of that and going: You do realise you're casting the thing you're accusing me of, right?

Every report. Every screenshot. Every lie. Every person quietly watching while pretending they weren't involved.

Eventually all of it became material.

That's probably the part people misunderstood most. You don't need to destroy somebody who writes. You just keep handing them chapters.

So no, this isn't me threatening to burn the world down. It's me realising you already handed me the fucking matches.

Lyrics

Pulled the cross outta my throat, lit the wick on the verse Mama prayed me into a saint, saint became a curse Banjo at my hip, blade tucked in the spine Every Sunday school lesson got rewritten in wine

You judge me from a phone, but you don't know my floor Double-tap a thirst trap, then you call her a whore Same girl, same sin, same mouth, same pose But the hex is in the holler when I'm naming my foes

You wanna meet the devil? Swipe down on the comments Every fake saint Got a blade in their bonnet I got chapters on chapters

Writing back to my haters But the chapters are spells And the spells are razors I'm the witch you built

I'm the curse you spit I'm the spell you cast I'm the hex that hit Burn, burn, burn, burn

Let it burn Burn, burn, burn, burn Let it burn Y'all come at me with venom, then post about love and light

Can't manifest peace while you're stalking me at night I see the screenshots, the alts, and the rage Typing in caps with your daughter on your lap You wanna talk damnation? Take a long look in the well

Reflection looking back Is what I been trying to tell Y'all are the witches Y'all just couldn't say it loud

Wrapped the hex in a hashtag Then called it a crowd I got chapters on chapters Writing back to my haters

But the chapters are spells And the spells are razors I'm the witch you built I'm the curse you spit

I'm the spell you cast I'm the hex that hit Burn, burn, burn, burn Let it burn

Burn, burn, burn, burn Let it burn I don't fear your fire I was raised in the flame

Every scar you gave me Made a weapon of my name I'm the witch you built I'm the curse you spit

I'm the spell you cast I'm the hex that hit Burn, burn, burn, burn Let it burn

Burn, burn, burn, burn Let it burn I'm the witch you built I'm the curse you spit

Im the spell you cast I'm the hex that hit Burn, burn, burn, burn Let it burn

Burn, burn, burn, burn Let it burn Let it burn.

In Esme’s words

A final note

Looking back now, I think Redemption was released too early. Not commercially. Emotionally.

I was still inside everything I was writing about. There wasn't enough distance yet to understand what it all meant. I just knew I was angry, hurt, stubborn, exhausted and absolutely not ready to shut up.

So that's what the album sounds like. And actually, I'm glad it does.

Because life doesn't normally happen in neat little chapters where you finish healing from one thing before the next thing starts. Sometimes you make the art before you understand why you needed to make it.

Redemption didn't solve anything. It gave everything somewhere to go.

And I think I needed that before I could eventually reach My Final Sacrifice and realise that surviving something and carrying it forever are two completely different things.

I still love the girl who made this album. She was fucking furious. But she kept going.

That counts for something.