In Esme’s words
Behind the album
I think this whole album is about what happens when you finally stop trying to make yourself easier for other people to understand.
There’s religion in here, judgement, witch hunts, relationships, censorship, anger, survival, all of it. But underneath that, it’s really about names. Sinner. Witch. Evil. Fake. Difficult. Crazy. Prick, occasionally.
People love giving you a name when they can’t control the version of you standing in front of them.
For a long time I thought the answer was to explain myself better. Be clearer. Be nicer. Prove what happened. Prove who I am. Prove I deserve to be here.
This album is me getting bored of that.
My Final Sacrifice isn’t me. It’s the version of me that still thought she needed permission.
She can go in the fire.
Track 02
Thou Shalt
Lyrics
I’m the glitch in the stained-glass, bitch, the hex in the hexagram,
RAM in the ram’s horn, blastin’ Judas-code through the diaphragm.
Pastor’s daughter gone full-stack succubus,
suck the holy host like it’s hostile code, leave the wafer corrupted.
You kneel for the cracker, I crack the cracker,
body of Christ? I body-slam the pastor,
blood-wine in the chalice? I piss gin in the decanter.
Amen? A-fuckin’-men, I amend the commandments—
Thou shalt not snitch, thou shalt not flinch
Thou shalt not preach when I’m in this bitch
Thou shalt not atone, thou shalt not explain
Thou shalt let them call thee evil while thou dance in the rain
Mama’s rosary I strangled doubt with the beads
Papa’s Bible I rolled spliffs with the deeds
Genesis 1:1 said let there be light
I said let there be fright, then blacked out the night
Guess it’s back to candlelight, back to teeth in the dark
Back to girls like me getting blamed for the spark
Pharaohs in the comments begging let my people scroll
I drown their feeds in kerosene and watch the likes boil
Thou shalt not snitch, thou shalt not flinch
Thou shalt not preach when I’m in this bitch
Thou shalt not atone, thou shalt not explain
Thou shalt let them call thee evil while thou dance in the rain
You built the pier, I learned the flame
you cursed the witch, I took the name
every stone you threw, became a throne
every burn in hell, just felt like home
so ring that bell, let heaven hear,
your little devil, still right here
you wanted ashes, what a shame,
I came back speaking fire by name
Thou shalt not snitch, thou shalt not flinch
Thou shalt not preach when I’m the fucking witch!
Thou shalt not atone, thou shalt not explain
Thou shalt let them call thee evil while thou dance in the rain
When the banjos glitch
And the skyline splits
You’ll know who lit the fuse
‘Cause I signed that shit
Call me wick, call me flame, call me every name you learned —
I was the witch you fucking BURNED!
Track 03
369
Lyrics
I know when he’s lying by the way he breathes.
I know when he smiles, got a second set of teeth.
I know what it means when the room goes cold,
when a woman says nothing but her eyes say go.
You call me dark when your world was bright.
Now you want fire, now you want bite.
You don’t need power till you’ve been used.
You don’t need a witch till it happens to you.
369, your friends need wine, your ex needs a hex.
Don’t ask me why. Black boots, gold rings, silver knives.
Everybody wants a villain in their life.
369, your hands in mine.
Half of these curses are just good time and you call me a witch
like it’s some kind of crime.
Honey, I’m just hard to leave behind.
I don’t cast spells for the hell of it.
I just know what to do with the mess of it.
You call it magic because you never knew
what a woman becomes when she has to get through.
369, my friends need wine. Your ex needs a hex.
Don’t ask me why. You called me just in time.
Everybody wants a hand when they’re crossing that line.
369, your hands in mine.
Half of these curses are just good time and you call me a witch
like it’s some kind of crime.
Honey, I’m just hard to leave behind.
Say a prayer, draw a line.
You can call me crazy, cool, divine, and you need a witch
more than I need you.
Honey you know that’s true.
You need a witch, you need a witch, you need a witch more than I need you.
when the lights go out and the phone won’t ring,
when the bank says no and you’ve pawned your rings,
when your friends get quiet and your gut gets loud,
funny how fast my name leaves your mouth.
You called me strange when the sun was high.
Now it’s midnight and you’re outside.
You don’t need faith till you’re out of luck.
You don’t need a witch till your whole life’s fucked.
369, my friends need wine,
your ex needs a hex.
Don’t ask me why.
Black boots, gold rings, silver knife.
Everybody wants a villain in their life.
369, your hands in mine.
Half of these curses are just good time
and you call me a witch like it’s some kind of crime.
Honey, I’m just hard to leave behind.
Track 04
Call Me Witch
Behind the song · In Esme’s words
I wanted to write an old-fashioned witch hunt where the witch wasn’t frightened.
She knows what the town thinks of her. She knows the preacher talks shit. She knows half the people carrying torches have quietly knocked on her door when they needed something.
And that hypocrisy is the whole song.
People are very good at wanting women privately and condemning them publicly. Wanting their power, their bodies, their advice, their attention, then suddenly acting horrified when everyone else is watching.
So this witch doesn’t beg the village to understand her.
She puts her boots on, watches them gather the rope and thinks, you lot are fucking ridiculous.
If you need me to be the monster in your story, call me witch.
Just don’t pretend you weren’t in my garden last week.
Lyrics
I was born where the black trees lean,
down by the river where the water turns green.
Mama said, Girl, keep your head down low,
but the fire in my blood always starts to show.
Now the church bells ring when I walk by,
little children whisper, and the dogs all cry.
The mayor at the gate with a torch held high,
saying, Devil woman, tonight you die.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
the whole damn town wants me burned alive.
Call me witch, call me devil tonight.
Run me to the edge in the moonlight bright.
Hey now, hey now, hear them cry.
Get that girl out before we all die.
I ain’t lying, I’m just the witch they can’t purify.
Preacher man got ash on his sleeve,
talks real holy but he lies through his teeth.
Half this town has been at my door,
now they act like they don’t know me.
Got my boots on the dirt, black dress on,
laughing so hard with the rope half drawn.
If I’m such hell why is your husband here
digging up my garden every half past year?
3, 4, 5,
the whole damn town wants me burned alive.
Call me witch, call me devil tonight.
Run me to the edge in the moonlight bright.
Hey now, hey now, hear them cry.
Get that girl out before we are dying.
I ain’t lying, I’m just the witch they can’t purify.
You call me evil, call me cursed,
but I was your secret hunger first.
Now you want blood, now you want proof,
so strike the fire and watch me move.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
the whole damn town wants me burned alive.
Call me witch, call me devil tonight.
Run me to the edge in the moonlight bright.
Hey now, hey now, hear them cry.
Get that girl out before we all die.
I ain’t lying, I’m just a witch they can’t purify.
Track 06
Sinner, Sing
Behind the song · In Esme’s words
This is for anybody who was ever taught that something completely natural about them needed forgiving.
I kept coming back to the idea that the woods don’t care. The river doesn’t ask what you believe. The moon doesn’t need your confession. Trees don’t check whether you’ve behaved yourself before letting you stand underneath them.
People invented a lot of rules that nature seems completely uninterested in.
So Sinner, Sing became almost a hymn for everyone standing outside the church rather than inside it.
Not an angry one either. Just, come sit by the fire. Put the fear down for five minutes. If somebody decided your spirit was a sin, let the poor thing make some fucking noise anyway.
No confession. No permission. Just sing.
Lyrics
if they call your spirit sin, let it ring.
Mama said, Don’t walk where the shadows grow,
where the blackbirds circle and the cold winds blow.
They carved my name into cedar and stone
but the night kept whispering, Child, come home.
If every saint was once dust and bone,
why should I tremble walking alone?
Na na na na na na na na na na, oh sinners.
Leave your fear beside the flame.
Oh sinners, sing.
If the night still knows your name.
Oh sinners, sing.
They called it sin, I called it breath.
They promised heaven, they threatened death.
Every chain they wrapped around my skin
only taught these weary hands to grin.
The pines don’t judge, the river don’t lie,
the moon still watches every goodbye.
Some hearts kneel, some hearts run.
Mine still beats beneath the moon.
Na na na na na na na na na.
Oh sinner.
Na na na na na na na na na.
You’re here beside the flame.
Oh sinners, sing.
Na na na na na na na na.
Every scar’s another hymn.
Oh sinners, sing.
Ashes fall, branches sway.
Every truth outlives the names.
No confession, no permission.
Only breath, only rhythm.
Raise your voice into the dark, oh sinner.
Say, If they call your spirit in, let it ring.
The fire knows you, the wind knows you,
the night knows you.
Sinner, sing.
Track 07
I Float
Behind the song · In Esme’s words
This one came from a very modern witch trial. Not ropes and bonfire. Reports. Takedowns. Checkboxes. Arguments about whether something is real enough. People deciding that if something is good it must be fake, and if something is imperfect then apparently that proves it’s human.
It became ridiculous. And somewhere in all of that I realised the witch trials never really disappeared. We just cleaned the paperwork up.
The old test was impossible too. Sink and you were innocent, but dead. Float and you were a witch.
So when everything around the music started becoming another stupid test, the answer felt obvious.
Fine. I float. Take the song down. Call me fake. Call me a product. Run the test again. You’re still talking about the witch. That seems like your problem, not mine.
Lyrics
they says, Sing or swim, so I float. I float.
Put my name in their mouth like smoke, like smoke.
If it’s good then it’s fine; if it’s trash it’s art
then I guess I’m the bitch with a heart.
They say, Swim, so I float, I float.
400 years, same jokes, same joke.
You can bring your tongue, should have slit my throat.
Verdict came back, Bitch, I float.
They tried to drown me in the comments,
tried to clip my wings, tried to own it.
Report, block, delete, still I’m on it.
Every takedown just a bonus.
You can flag it, you can mute it,
you can say it’s not appropriate.
But I’m still here, still creating,
still a problem you can’t regulate.
Am I real? Am I real?
They can’t decide if I’m a threat
or just a trend they can repost.
Am I real? Am I real?
Guess it depends who’s watching most.
I float, I float, I float.
Burn the evidence, I still wrote it.
Erase my body, I still show it.
You can’t cancel what you don’t control.
Spells don’t need a feed
and this witch don’t need you.
In Esme’s words
A final note
I feel like a different person now.
I’ve been doing shadow work for the last two years, properly looking at the different parts of myself. The good bits, the ugly bits, the things I’m proud of and the things I’d rather pretend weren’t there.
Seven Deadly Spells was written right at the beginning of that.
At the time, I genuinely thought I’d already achieved something in myself. Like I’d done the work, understood some shit, drawn a line under parts of my past and stepped forward.
Then that album happened.
The love it received. The growth. Suddenly having all these people here who understood it and saw themselves in it.
And then the other side.
The takedowns. The attacks. Watching something I’d made get pulled apart, questioned, reported and taken away from me.
I thought I knew myself before all of that.
Turns out I was fucking miles off.
It showed me how much emotion I was still carrying. How much old trauma could still be poked. How desperately I sometimes needed to explain myself, defend myself, prove myself, be understood. It made me look at my past differently, my future differently, my relationships, my anger, my fear, all of it.
X3 came somewhere in the middle of that madness. That was me trying to work out what was actually mine to carry.
My feelings are mine. My actions are mine. My choices are mine.
Other people’s shit isn’t.
So I started trying to keep what belonged to me and return the rest. I’m still learning how to do that, by the way.
Then came Redemption.
Redemption was emotion spilling out faster than I could understand it. I needed somewhere to put everything I was feeling around what had happened, so I put it into music.
Looking back, I think I released it prematurely. But maybe that’s part of the story too. Sometimes you don’t get to understand something neatly before you feel it.
And then we get here. My Final Sacrifice.
After somewhere between sixteen months and two years of looking at myself, watching how I react, watching how other people react, questioning why things hurt, questioning why some things don’t anymore, sitting with anger instead of immediately throwing it somewhere, and learning that good emotions deserve understanding just as much as bad ones do.
I don’t think I’m finished. I actually hope I never am. But I do think this is the last album this version of me could have made.
That’s the sacrifice. Not my life. Not everything I was. I don’t hate the girl who got me here. But she’s done her bit.
And if I come back after this, I won’t be the same person. I won’t be the same girl. I’ll have grown. Changed. Evolved. Hopefully for the better.
And if not, I suppose I’ll have something to write about.